If you follow this blog you have probably noticed one thing...the number of posts have significantly decreased.
Earlier tonight I was reading
Adventures in Life, Love, Librarianship, a wonderful blog that provides not only delicious recipes, but helpful hints and tips for everyday life and lots of librarian stuff. As I was reading I started feeling guilty. I have seriously slacked off on the number of posts. According to Blogger, I posted 113 times last year. Even though this is only early August I have posted a total of 9 times in 2013. Yeah, serious slacking off.
Let me defend myself....or at least give you a bunch of excuses.
1. I changed jobs.
At my last job I had a desk in the Circulation Workroom and I spent most of my day there. I only had interaction with patrons for a few hours a day and the rest of the time I could do my job in peace...away from those pesky patrons. Plenty of time to write reviews and blog. Now? I am right smack dab in the middle of the library...next to the computers....which brings every single question in the world. I can rarely sit for more than 3 minutes at a time before I am up showing a patron how to move the mouse around. Time to write a book review? Puuuhleeze.
2. My current job doesn't blog.
Well, actually we don't do any form of social media at all. Facebook, twitter, blogging....nothing. This means that there is absolutely no reason for me to write a book review. At my last job, I could easily review and post a picture book review that had just come across my desk. I know I could review the books that I read on my own, but there isn't much incentive now. I bet you are thinking "Her library doesn't have Facebook? She should change that!" That's a whole 'nother post and a big ole bottle of wine.
3. I have a crap phone.
I do not have a smart phone. Let me repeat because I know most of you are like "What? Did I just read that right?" You did. I do not have a smart phone. Why? Because before this job I was on crap pay grade and I had other priorities besides having an expensive phone bill. I also didn't have cable for a long time, which I could probably do without now. I intend to get a smartphone but I need to get a few things paid off first and save some more. When people ask, "You don't have a smartphone?" I reply with "Oooh, my phone is vintage!". So what does this have to do with me blogging more? Well at my old job, I saw a lot of damaged materials and my coworkers would add quirky little notes to the materials. Well, my phone use not to be so crappy so I could upload pictures to my blog. I guess along with the way I lost that capability. Now if I want to upload a picture I have to find my digital camera..make sure the battery is charged (which it never is) try to find the memory card, take the picture, upload it to my computer, then to the blog. I am not a lazy person by nature, but typing that sentence exhausted me, which is why you don't get very many pictures on this blog.
4. I moved.
Right across from my job. Our mailboxes are like 4 feet apart. Yeah, that close. Moving sucks. I wouldn't recommend it.
5. My computer tried to fly. It can't...but it is great at falling.
Great part of moving? People give you stuff! Case in point? BF's parents bought us (technically him, but we are a joint package now) a new bedroom suite. It is beautiful and high. The bed is 4 feet high. No joke. I have to get a running start and jump onto the bed. Sometimes I don't make it. Best idea I ever had? Leaving my laptop on this crazily high bed. The first time the laptop fell from the bed it didn't work for 12 hours. Then it woke up from its coma and all was right in the world. You would think that this would make me realize that I should a) back everything up on my computer b) not leave my computer on the insanely high bed. I never said I was a smart cookie. The 2nd time it fell and continued to work, I thought my computer was made of steel. Well, the 3rd time was the charm. The 3rd time it got knocked off the screen was open. If I wasn't too lazy to get up and find my digital camera you could have a picture of how it looks. Surprisingly, it still works! Just the screen looks like an etch-a-sketch. Right now I am sitting on the living room floor as I transfer the files through the wifi from the etch-a-sketch made of steel laptop to my dad's netbook through the TV. I don't really know how I am doing this but BF did it for me, so I don't ask questions. Oh, and the 3rd fall took place over a month ago and I am now getting around to transferring files.
All these are great excuses to why I have slacked off blogging, but they aren't the real reason. The real reason why I haven't pretty much taken a big absence from everything social? My dad died.
Yeah, this post just took a big sad sharp turn. When I started typing this post I had no intention of mentioning my dad. I was just going to give the 5 excuses I did and try to start blogging more. I very rarely reveal personal information in this blog. I am not an insecure person or anything that would make me think people wouldn't want to read what I write, but I am a private person and very paranoid. I am always thinking that the patron that I am talking about will find my particular rant and demand I be fired. See, paranoid? So revealing personal information isn't really my M.O. (sidenote: do you know what M.O. stands for? Modus Operandi. Latin for mode/method of operation.) I think maybe mentioning it on my blog (where only a few of you know me personally) might help me handle and manage my grief.
I have very little experience with death and especially cancer. I had no idea the devastation cancer could deal out or the aftermath of it. Where I come from, you whisper the word cancer. I naively thought that "other" people get cancer. Not my family. My dad passed away over 5 months ago from a year and half battle with cancer and I am still dealing with the destruction that it did to him, my family and our lives. The amount of physical and emotional pain that I saw him go through could crumble any heart and my heart broke hundreds of times everyday. My dad was the nucleus of my family and we are struggling to handle life without him.
I have checked out several books on dealing with the loss of the parent. I even read 2 pages on one. I keep thinking, I need to check out a book to help me grieve. I help people all the time locate books on grief, but I have never actually read any. I usually pick up if they are looking for secular or something a little more spiritual. From there I can recommend a couple of selections, but I always let them do the rest. I wish I could say, "This book helped me so much", but I haven't even tried that hard. Although, I have to admit that BF handled the situation quite well when he noticed I was trying to read one of the grief books. When I mean handled I mean that for the next week he asked if I was okay every hour and followed me around the house waiting for a random emotional breakdown (he was caught off guard plenty of times).
I would really like to find a book to help me deal with this grief. Books have always helped me deal with plenty of emotions and situations in my life (boys, school, etc.) and I need them for this. If anyone knows of any secular material that deals with death or particularly the loss of a parent, feel fee to recommend it to me.
I feel like I shouldn't end this post on such a down note, but I don't know where to go from here. I hope to try and post more. I'm working very hard on getting my life back to a routine. Hey, maybe I'll even get a smartphone one day...yeah, even I don't know if I believe that. Guess I will keep on rocking my vintage phone.
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