Friday, January 23, 2015

Wyoming Strong by Diana Palmer Review

Confession time….I can’t help but read Diana Palmer’s books.

If you have read one Diana Palmer book, then you have read them all.

Palmer’s books usually carry the same themes. Young innocent girl meets mid-thirties rugged man. He is uncomfortable with the age difference or there is an instant dislike. Throw in a cattle rancher, a sheriff, maybe an ex-CIA operative and you have a Diana Palmer romance. Sometimes they are historical westerns or contemporary.

Besides Johanna Lindsey, Diana Palmer was one of the first romance authors I was ever introduced to. My mom had mentioned to her co-worker that I was reading romance novels (at 13) and the next thing I know my mom is lugging in a paper bag full of them. Her co-worker was kind enough to lend me dozens of Fabio covered books to educate my young mind. In this bag was Once in Paris, the first book in the Hutton & Co. series by Palmer. I loved this book (and the two sequels) so much that I never returned it with the others in the bag. In fact I still have it.

Over the years, I have continued to check out Palmer’s books…but these books can get a little ridiculous. The love scenes are often full of the most unrealistic dialog. I have read a few aloud to BF just to see his reaction. They are pretty entertaining.

I will give Palmer credit, because she is an insanely prolific writer. She has several hundred books under her belt…yup, hundreds. Out of these several hundreds, I have read about 25. I have tapered off because the level of ridiculousness has increased exponentially. But nothing tops Wyoming Strong.

I grabbed Wyoming Strong off the new shelf because I was looking for something easy and quick to read. Boy, was I in for a treat.

Wyoming Strong does not stray from Palmer’s typical set up. Wolf Patterson is a mid-thirties ex-mercenary who loathes Sara Brandon, who is in her early-twenties. This is a contemporary story set in San Antonio, Texas. The Wyoming reference refers to the series, Wyoming Men.

First off…these are probably two of the most effed up characters that I have ever read about (and I have read Tiffany Reisz and Gillian Flynn!).

Let’s start with Wolf….first it is important to note that Wolf is not a virgin (remember this for later). While on an assignment he falls for a local girl who is cra cra. Every time they have sex, she flips the lights on and makes fun of him…at the most inappropriate moment.  Yeah, so he is pretty screwed up from that.

Sara had a terrible childhood. Her stepfather attempted to rape her when she was 13, but she was saved by her brother and the fact that she has an imperforate hymen.  She is pretty skittish around men, which is to be expected, but she can’t deny that there is an attraction to Wolf.

Things are actually going pretty well in the story. Palmer likes to throw in gamer terminology and she really stepped it up for Wyoming Strong. In previous books, the terminology was generic and seemed like it was only added to confirm the story being set in modern day. I will give her credit for improving in that area.

Now back to Wolf and Sara…here are some issues that I found ridiculous and hilarious…
1.       She calls him “Mr. Patterson” for most of the novel.
2.       She can’t believe that people actually have sex with the lights on.
3.       He knows more about her imperforate hymen then she does.
4.       He has never had an orgasm until Sara.
5.       Crawling Sperm.

Before I explain the crawling sperm, let’s talk about number 4. Remember, when I said that Wolf was not a virgin? Well, he makes it very known that he had never had an orgasm until Sara. Let that sink it. Palmer references him ejaculating with his ex (remember turning on the lights at inappropriate moments?), but according to Palmer, that is not an orgasm.

Now, the crawling sperm. If you had never heard of an imperforate hymen, like I hadn’t, then you might not know that it has to be corrected surgically…therefore making it impossible to have sex without the surgery. This is mentioned in the book, so the couple can’t do the deed just yet…but they do have a heavy petting session that goes pretty bad (remember, both characters are pretty messed up in the head when it comes to sex). Anyways, Wolf mentions to Sara that she might get pregnant. HOLD UP! I kept thinking, “They didn’t have sex!”. That is why Wolf explains to Sara the basics of anatomy when this classic line, “Do you know that sperm are mobile, and they can crawl?”

Yup. Crawling sperm.

And you know what else? She does get pregnant! Oh those crawling sperm.

Don’t believe me? Check out Wyoming Strong and see for yourself. 


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